Allow me the space to speak candidly for a few moments. Today was not a calm day in the Lanphere home. The day started rough and continued to be one battle after another. It was a day where I simply wanted to pull the sheets up over my head and hide. I would love to tell you that I was able to extend grace and hold space for each soul that seemed to be on the enemy line. But I did not. I was irrational and angry. In fact, I wanted to be angry. I didn't want to rise above and see the lessons that my angels were clearly gifting me with. I dug my heals in the ground and stood firmly grounded in my misery. Today was a day where I allowed my ego to take charge and ever so brazenly scream "Fuck it". Fuck choosing love. Fuck being a conscious and awakened soul. Just fuck it all. Who wants to be some enlightened hippie cook-a-loo anyways. Yes, my ego was a special breed of bitch today.
Grace. It's a funny thing. The word alone invokes within me an emotion that I don't think I could ever eloquently express. Grace is powerful. Far more powerful than my Jekyll and Hyde complex. In the midst of my horrible, rotten day my angels still saw it fit to gift me with little gifts of grace. Which really are not little by any stretch of the imagination. My angels sent to me a lovely soul on Vine (a social media app that allows individuals to make 6 second videos) who in 6 seconds reminded me how beautiful I am simply because I am breathing. I wept. And then just a few short hours later my 18 year old sister called me to "check in" because she heard I was having a shitty day. I cried. Again. Or how could I forget the angel boy at the post office who flashed me his mega watt smile as he awkwardly fumbled down the sidewalk? As I type I see his face in my memory and the tears stream down my face. And just when I thought my angels had sent me enough grace I begrudginly took my daughter to her dance class where I laughed with other moms who have become my friends. And because I believe my angels have a sense of humor I left with a box of chocolate truffles that I completely forgot I purchased for a fundraiser. That's how grace works. It's always present, but I truly believe that on the days when my personal grace bank is closed my angels send me these grace gifts to refill and replenish my soul. To remind me that choosing love is right. And that to become an awakened and enlightened soul I am gifted these days as a lesson. A lesson in grace. As I contemplate the events of my messy day I am reminded that I am a soul having a human experience and these days are to be celebrated. These are the days that my soul is doing its most important work. As I lay my head down tonight I will give thanks for the angels that were sent to me in human form and I will wake up tomorrow filled with the grace of God and have a go at the fresh start before me. Grace. It will change your life. You have to simply allow to crash into you. And when you do you will be forever changed.
Signed,
Your favorite cook-a-loo hippie (I wouldn't want it to be any other way)
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