The Toothless Pilot

Growing up I was painfully shy. Besides being bashful I was afraid of everything. I was the little girl hiding behind my mother's legs. I declined so many childhood adventures because of my fear. To give you some insight into my trepidations I will share with you one experience in my childhood where I let fear take the drivers seat. My parents decided to get me involved in a tap class. I suppose they thought that it would boost my confidence. I cried the entire way there. Every week. I pleaded with my mother to stay at the studio. Truth be told the only way she could get me so stay was to be in the studio. I still ended up quitting. As I got older my fears seemed to subside a little and I was able to coach myself through them. They were always there though. In fact they were audible. I desired to be brave. I wanted to be able to go to sleepovers with my friends and not let my fear cripple me. I wanted to be adventurous. Each time I thought that I could the voice in my head told me to be cautious. I might hurt myself, I might get laughed at, I might fail, or I might not be good enough.

So it was only natural that a firecracker soul chose me to be her mommy. I am firm believer that our souls make sacred contracts with one another. Who can say why certain souls cross our paths and what they are there to teach us. I do know that without a shadow of a doubt my daughter was sent me to help me heal. To heal the parts of myself that I allowed the voices of conditioning to convince me that life was something to be feared. Fear is not in her vocabulary. At the age of 5 she has mastered the art of throwing caution to the wind. This afternoon I watched as my husband strapped her into a helicopter seat. I traced the smile on her face as he placed the head phones on her ears. I looked into her eyes and saw the simplistic joy of living in the moment. As I watched them take off she looked over at me with a grin from ear to ear and waved at me. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I watched them fade into the distance. I could not even fathom doing that at her age and here she was, my toothless daughter begging to fly with her daddy. And then I realized in that moment that it happened again. Her bravery allowed me the space to walk through another fear. The fear of losing my child. I was completely out of control. I wanted to tell her no that she could not go or that I had to accompany her. I knew that if I allowed my fear to control the events of today it might have single handedly altered the way she viewed life. That she was not safe. That she couldn't trust her daddy or her angels. As I viewed the ship circle the airport I felt a shift inside my soul. I felt confident! I felt ecstatic for her to be given that opportunity. I felt empowered. I felt safe and Divinely protected.

When they landed I gazed at my firecracker barreling down the runway toward me. I greeted her sweaty body with open arms and I looked at her and said, "D!!! I am so proud of you. You inspire me and I want to be just like you!" She looked at me and said, "Can I go again???" Her zest for life and desire to learn is something I give great thanks for and aspire to emulate. Sometimes I feel like she is the parent and I am the child. I suppose thats what parenting is all about. Bringing to light the things that needs healing in us. Teaching us how strong and brave we really are. Educating us on the joys of living in the moment. And most importantly trusting that life is happening FOR us and not to us. I am forever grateful to my toothless angel for helping me find my wings so I could fly.

xo,
M