B is for Blended. Blended family that is.

When you marry someone who has children from a previous marriage there are a few things one can expect. You can expect an inquisition of sorts. You can expect that everything you do from that moment on is being documented by all parties involved. You can anticipate and accept that every decision you make involves and affects everyone.  You can anticipate the first time one of your step sons walks in on you after you have showered and the mental scarring that just occurred and the steps you will take to remedy the incident. You can expect that the first baseball game you attend may be awkward as your step children's mother is sitting in the stands. You await the first time you and your step daughter go shopping together and people think you are sisters. Then there will be the first meal you cook your new family. Do they like it? Is it how their mom cooks it for them? There were a lot of things that I anticipated when I became Jack's wife and the step mother to his amazing children.

I knew his children liked me and that they would possibly grow to love me as a member of their family. What I never anticipated was the capacity to which these humans could love me. They accepted me. They introduced me as their parent with pride. Typing those words elicits emotions in me that the English language cannot express. They have taught me the power of unconditional love. They instructed me how to be a parent. They illuminated to me a side of my husband that I had never seen before I married him and I loved what I saw. These children have opened my eyes to the beautiful reality that my heart is full of love to give.

Being the wife of a man who previously had the heart of another woman was daunting and something that I held great respect for. He had another life and family before me and that was something to be honored. I had high hopes for my relationship with this woman. I wanted her to know that I respected her place in this world. Effortless would not be the word that I would use to describe the first few years of our relationship. Truth be told I anticipated this. I expected quick glances and cordial hellos until the 18th birthday of my youngest step son. What I never expected was that we would be sitting across from each other at the same table on this day while she lovingly caressed my daughter's back. The unimaginable happened. I had become friends with the woman who held my husband's heart for 11 years. Somewhere between baseball games and birthday parties we became a family. 

As a woman married to a man who had previously been in love with another woman I had to come to the sobering realization that this man needed to continue to have a relationship with her for the well being of his children. This was not an easy task. She also had to let go of the role she had once played in his life. These events had to happen in order for the 3 of us to parent the beautiful children they raised together. We had to learn to respect one another and without even consciously knowing it the 3 of us became a team. A team of adults with a seemingly sorted history co-parenting. Who would have thought? Thats what happens when love happens. It opens the door for forgiveness and acceptance to come waltzing through. Jack and Cheryl are amazing parents and it is because of their respect for one another that any of this was even possible. I am so thankful for their love. Without that love I would never have met the amazing people I call my children. Being apart of a blended family has not always been easy. But it surely has been rewarding. Hurt and resentment has been replaced with unconditional love and wonderful memories. I give great thanks for my little family and the insurmountable joy they bring me. If you are struggling finding your place in a blended family take faith. Each trying moment is an opportunity to choose love. When you do this miracles happen. You just may find a friend in a completely unexpected way.

xo,
M